{"id":58,"date":"2007-04-18T23:20:28","date_gmt":"2007-04-19T03:20:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crankopotamus.com\/blog\/?p=58"},"modified":"2010-01-24T11:16:17","modified_gmt":"2010-01-24T15:16:17","slug":"ive-searched-everywhere","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/ive-searched-everywhere\/","title":{"rendered":"I’ve searched everywhere"},"content":{"rendered":"

Aw, stats!<\/h3>\n

I keep track of all the activity on my website. I love to browse through the statistics: how many hits have I had this month, which websites have linked to me, or which posts are most popular.<\/p>\n

My favorite thing to look at, though, is the search keyphrases. If someone comes to my site through a Google search, I can see what they were searching for.<\/p>\n

Hardly any of them appear to have been looking for me. There are a lot of people out there who want to know how to fix their leaky Price Pfister faucets,<\/a> I can tell you that. But there are always a few that make me laugh. Here are my favorites so far:<\/p>\n

\n
last nate the ship of my heart <\/dt>\n
I’m picturing someone who doesn’t speak English very well, trying to find the lyrics to that Sting song. <\/dd>\n
chocolate rabbit transubstantiation <\/dt>\n
Ecce Cuniculus Dei? <\/dd>\n
how do i keep earthworms out of my basement <\/dt>\n
Believe it or not, I actually know the answer to this one. Play Zamfir: Greatest Hits<\/a>\"\" twenty-four hours a day, at a sound level of at least 85 dBA. Worms hate Zamfir. Either that, or dig all the dirt out of your basement. <\/dd>\n
how to intubate a rabbit <\/dt>\n
Wow. Just… wow. Look, I know how attached we get to our pets. But I think you might have bigger problems than a sick bunny. <\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n

Keep \u2019em coming.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Aw, stats! I keep track of all the activity on my website. I love to browse through the statistics: how many hits have I had this month, which websites have linked to me, or which posts are most popular. My favorite thing to look at, though, is the search keyphrases. If someone comes to my … Continue reading I’ve searched everywhere<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-talk-nerdy-to-me"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=58"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":314,"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions\/314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=58"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=58"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/crankopotamus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=58"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}